What are you even talking about?
A beach-studded hippy island in the Gulf of Thailand that might very well be the global headquarters of Partytime Inc. Stunning sands coexist with dirty backpacker towns built solely for the purpose of facilitating the islands countless raves, festivals, and drug marathons.
It’s A Koh Family Thanksgiving, Which Relative is Phangan?
Your nephew who was a really sweet kid from ages 6 through 17, but who is now a full-blown alcoholic shithead. He used to be really bright and creative, and although a little bit of an oddball, he had some pretty novel and amusing ideas. Now he’s an adult. And although he still shows inspiring signs of his promising origins, he’s much more interested in drunkenly discussing his cologne collection, quoting Van Wilder multiple times in one conversation, and peeing in your expensive potted plant.
What Would Your Mother Say?
“Nope.”
Demographics
Haad Rin: Ages 18-28; 65% Male/ 35% Afraid For Their Safety
Elsewhere: Ages 35-60; 55% Male/ 35% Female/ 10% Gender Is A Form Of Colonialism, Man. I Have Some Stuff You Should Read.
What They’ll Tell You To Do
The Full Moon Party: This fascinating local celebration of the lunar calendar is a great way to experience traditional Thai ceremonies and learn about the rich cultural history of the island… Jokes, it’s a bunch of white kids getting obliterated on a beach. We’ve already written way too much about this monthly eruption of irresponsible sex and drugs. If you must know more, please read our account here.
What You Should Really Do
Eden Garden Party: Well we aren’t going to tell you to go to Phangan and pass on parties altogether. They are hard to avoid after all. So if you’ve had your fill of Gap Year Gone Wild and want to get a sense of the hippie culture that put the island on the map in the first place, go to Eden Bar on Fridays for a completely different all-night dance party. The techno music is more underground, the crowd is a bit older and more likely to extol the virtues of Eastern mysticism than know the words to every Calvin Harris song, and the setting is more Swiss Family Robinson than Perry’s tent at Lollapalooza. By most accounts, the Eden Garden Party is closer to what the Full Moon Party actually began as 30 years ago, and even if it’s not your scene, it’s nothing if not carefully calibrated to replace at least at least three of your top five weirdest stories ever.
Haad Yuan Beach: I’ll be honest, until we stumbled upon Haad Yuan, we weren’t very impressed with Phangan. That was largely our own fault for situating ourselves near Haad Rin beach and all the filthiness associated with it, and also for acclimatizing ourselves to the Thai islands in Krabi’s relatively more dramatic and instant-gratification-oriented beaches. But on the day leading up to FMP, seeking respite from the sensorial pummeling of Haad Rin, we took a boat taxi to Haad Yuan, 10 minutes that may as well have been a jump to a parallel universe. Haad Yuan is a gorgeous ribbon of ivory sand flanked on both sides by oblong boulders imported straight from the Cretaceous. And although you could spend all day on the beach, exploring these surrounding Flinstone rocks is what sets the place apart. After hobbling over some inconspicuous stones, a network of shoddy wooden walkways reveals itself, connecting various eateries, yoga schools, bars (including the above mentioned Eden), and detox retreats. Mostly invisible from the beach, this shaky hive of weathered plank walkways will conjure feelings of accidentally discovering a hidden society cut off from the rest of the world. Or at least any decade since the 1960’s. If you have a Grateful Dead t-shirt, best to leave it at home. This is the kind of crowd who’d argue they sold out after Workingman’s.
Would We Go Back?
Potentially. Here’s the thing, we have no desire to repeat our trip to Phangan the way we did it. We had an absolutely awesome time and are very glad we went. But seeing the seething sordidness of FMP is best left as a once in a lifetime adventure. That being said, we caught enough of a glimpse of some of the island’s less day-glow-saturated environs to inspire a hypothetical return visit. Nothing we’d cross the ocean for. But, if we’re in the neighborhood…
Yo, This Place Lit?
First, what kind of question is that? Second, again, read this. Third, between hosting the official Full Moon Party every single month, a Half Moon party just as often, frequent Jungle Experience and Waterfall Parties, and the odd Black Moon and New Moon party thrown into the mix, there is literally always some music-drenched, drug-addled excess-a-thon to lose yourself in. The streets of the island are plastered with posters promoting this outrageous event with that supposedly big deal DJ in whichever bananas setting. So no, Phangan is not lit. It’s in constant danger of burning itself down.
Gramworthy?
There’s definitely the opportunity for some unusual shots on Phangan: the sun rising over an Old Testament freak fest, turquoise water crashing into Dodo-egg slabs of calcified earth, Chet passed out face down in the sand with a dick drawn on his left butcheek. But if you’re looking for that iconic Thai beach shot, there are better places to go. The farther you venture from the Full Moon nadir of the island, the better your odds are of capturing a pristine beach shot. But Railay Beach this is not (or anywhere in Krabi for that matter). It also isn’t helpful that most of the island’s iconic events advise against brining any cameras you aren’t comfortable loaning to a stranger indefinitely.
Stream Of Consciousness:
Parasailing has a tendency to turn into into skydiving at the flip of a switch here. I’m sure the patrons knew what they were getting into…; Not sure if it’s true or not but Phangan felt about 5 degrees hotter than any of the other islands, meaning it was scorching rather than merely sweltering; Transportation is notably less charming here than elsewhere in Thailand. Tuk tuks are replaced by songathews, which feel like retrofitted paddy wagons. And longboats are swapped for “boat taxis”, white and blue dingys with overpowered motors that are never not pushed to their limits. So, not the island to hop on one of the traditional long tail fishing boats from all the postcards.
