Location reviews are where we take hours of exploration, boundary breaking, and life changing experiences, and boil them down into a shallow overview of a location we’ve visited. This is the good, the bad, the epic, and the smelly, based solely on our experiences, personal preferences, and poor decisions. Heed at your own risk.
Bangkok, Thailand
Pithy tagline:
Experience exactly what you were expecting to a degree you didn’t anticipate
Traffic, it’s not just for cars anymore…
Although it’s still for cars too, cuz good lord
What would your mother say?
“I don’t know… How long has it been sitting out?”
“I don’t like how they don’t have seat belts”
“The golden pointy ones are my favorite”
“Maybe they’re actually dating?”
“Wash your hands”
“No thank you, I don’t play ping pong”
What they’ll tell you to do
Grand Palace & Wat Pho: Expansive stretches of golden spires, spiked rooftops, extremely chill buddhas, and more bedazzling than Sara’s iPhone case ca. 2011, they are a great introduction to Southeast Asian temple complexes. In all honesty, the more of these you see, the more repetitive they can get, but the scale of Bangkok’s big ones are enough to make them worth it.
What you should actually do
Soi Cowboy: If you have an American-media-influenced image of Bangkok in your head, Soi Cowboy is probably it, with irresponsible amounts of neon, Inception-level strip clubs within strip clubs within strip clubs, and ladybois on every corner. You’ll get have a blast, you’ll get creeped out, you’ll want to take a shower afterward, and you really can’t do it anywhere else in the world.
Sukhumvit Road: The city’s longest, busiest road. Its two lanes cut through multiple neighborhoods, flaunt both seediness and bougieness often at once, and contain more offensive displays of congestion than a Musinex commercial. It’s Bangkok within Bangkok (which is also probably the name of a bar in Soi Cowboy). The road
is dotted with progressively numbered side streets, or Sois, each of which feeling like a different city of its own. Going down Sukhimvit feels like traversing the main artery of the city. Weaving in and out of Sukhumvit’s oppressive traffic in a tuk tuk is one of our most vivid first impression memories of Bangkok.
Would we go back?
Well we just did go back… So you mean again? Cuz if you do, then still yes. Visiting Bangkok is like drinking too much. You say you’ve had your fill after a few nights smack you into place. But with a long enough recovery period you’ll be itching for one more plate of street pad thai.
Yo, this place lit?
Holy God, yes. If the world’s party capitals gathered together to form a union, there’s a good chance theyd elect Bangkok as chairman. The scene runs the gambit from swanky rooftop lounges like Above 11, to hip craft cocktails in Thonglor, to neon-soaked debauchery dens like Soi Cowboy. Not to mention Khao San Road, which is more or less the blueprint for global backpacker party streets, with bright flashing lights, ear-crippling speakers, barely-hidden drug menus, incessant souvenir hawkers, cheap alcohol, plentiful junk food, and dudes with very questionable hairstyles.
In fact, when we were just in Bangkok we were discussing how much we prefer the city at night, and not just because of the party scene. Not only is the heat (slightly) more manageable when the sun goes down, but the city truly does come to life. Color explodes from a cityscape that was a patchwork of greys and whites only hours ago. The smell of strange meats and spices multiplies with dinnertime street vendors. Tuk tuk drivers begin to more fervently vie for your business (whether you want it or not). Bangkok is a city for night owls, and you’ll feel the buzz with or without a Chang in your hand.
Yea, but…
Hope you like your street party with a side of hooker. Unfortunately the city’s sex industry isn’t even close to a stereotype or exaggeration. Seeing an older white guy (disproportionately bald and stocky) walking down the sidewalk hand in hand with a local woman a fraction of his size and age is depressingly common. It’s very easy to enjoy Bangkok’s legendary nightlife without putting yourself in a position where you have to actively steer clear of this industry (stories of ordering a beer an inadvertently paying for a sex worker are pretty overblown). But it’s blatant enough that you’ll be lucky to enjoy a stay without some secondary exposure to the ickiness.
Gramworhty?
In all honesty, it’s not the prettiest city, especially by day. You can take the requisite shiny temple snap or view of Wat Arun from the water, but the city as a whole lacks the distinctive skyline of a Hong Kong or Shanghai. To get the best views, go up. There are tons of rooftop terraces that are specifically positioned to show off the city from the best angles. If you’re an unapologetic meal-grammer, though, you’ll have ample opportunity to stand on your chair and elicit grumbles from the above-40 crowd at whatever restaurant you’re at.
And Dr. Dre Said…
“Kept my ear to the streets, fried fish and clams/ Three nipple tassles, chewin mint leaves and beef/ Still.”
Verdict
Bangkok is as much a rite of passage as it is a must-see metropolis. Our advice would be to budget 2-3 days to explore on your way to other parts of the region so as not to burn yourself out in the chaos of the city, but also to leave some things to pull you back in for round two. Or round three.
Honorable Mentions
Floating Markets; Maeklong Train Market (train straight up rolls through a busy market inches from your face, it’s awesome); Hot; The street food, my God the street food; Sky Bar @ State Tower; Really hot; Sky Train; Choa Phraya river boats; Canals; Arriving in the morning so jetlag doesn’t screw you sideways; Jim Thompson or is it Jill Thompson? Idk he/she never invited us to his/her house; Hot as fuck
